The past week has been tough for many members of the youtube community. i made mention of things in this post recently. There’s been some powerful posts about the topic here by Meghan Tonjes, Hank Green as well as posts by Shawn and Maureen touching on the abuse they’ve experienced. That’s what i want to do here, i won’t name names, and i won’t go into graphic details, but here i’ll touch on some of the abuse i’ve suffered. It’s important to note that late last year i was diagnosed with PTSD, in no small part because of these experiences:
- i was bullied verbally and physically during primary school. The physical violence included being kicked in the head as well as in the groin.
- i was raped at the age of 15 by my boyfriend at the time, he manipulated “consent” from me through emotional abuse and manipulation.
- my first serious boyfriend forced me to perform oral sex on him, and later in the relationship created a situation where my social life was impossible because he expected me to be available to him without giving me any indication of when resulting in me being home every night just in case. He would also squeeze a slightly protruding disc in my neck, knowing full well that it was extremely painful. i also believe that he systematically cheated on me with his mother’s best friend.
- i invited an allegedly homeless man into the public area of the rooming house i was living in for a cup of tea. once inside i realised he intended to rape me. the only reason he didn’t is that one of my housemates was home and heard us talking. she may have saved my life.
- at various times i dated men with sadistic possibly sociopathic traits. they tore my self esteem to shreds, one even manipulated me into self injuring in a way i had not until then or since done. the scars are still obvious over a decade later. one of these men also cheated on me, as well as allowing me to end up in a situation where i became homeless, all the while claiming that he was going to help and i’d be fine.
- my most recent ex use passive-aggressive avoidance techniques to avoid telling me the truth about elements of our relationship, most notably lying and giving me false hope on the day before my
i am now in a healthy, happy relationship but i have a body that also abuses me in ways through chronic pain, mental illness and neurological disorders. but i’m not backing down and i am not ashamed of what i’ve been through. i didn’t do anything to deserve it and i am not a bad person.
if you or someone you know is being abused by anyone in your/their life, there are places to get help. in australia there are places like the Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA) and your local police. Do not be shamed into silence.