The Cat's Reflection

Sex Worker Rights (Photo credit: rhiannonstone)

NB: This post focuses on female sex workers because it is their experience that i’ve seen

For a lot of people a sex workers (whores, hookers, prostitutes) are either something you see in movies or something of an abstract idea because they’ve never actually met/talked to/made an effort to understand the men and women who choose sex work as their job/career. this included me until a few years ago. i wasn’t bothered by the idea of it, i didn’t judge anyone who worked in any part of the adult industry, in fact i never have and never will. i just didn’t know a whole lot (bear in mind, i am NOT claiming to be an expert now!) but over the last few years, more so over the last few months i’ve seen some things that have made me angrier and angrier as time passes and i see more.

Before i go on, i should probably mention that i have no problem with people who might have ethical, moral or religious issues with sex work or the adult industry as a whole. what i DO have a problem with is the way i’m seeing these issues expressed! i’ve seen cases where a woman who wrote about sex work (a former sex worker) received death threats, i’ve seen sex workers who tweet about their work (not specific clients, of course!) bullied and harassed. and the amount of women in the industry who are told their victims with one breath and the cause of rape in the next are just ridiculous! but what gets me is that a lot of this is not coming from the conservative, right-wing, dare-i-say-it misogynistic (interesting note: no matter how many times i have to say or write that word, i still cannot spell it! not liking how often i have to use it, perhaps?) men you’d expect. a lot of it comes from women – and indeed women who call themselves feminist. The brand of feminism i was brought up on was focused on equality, openness, sex positive attitudes and fighting to allow women to be who they want and do what they want.

But this so-called radical feminism (aka radfem) is something else entirely. i see anger, hate, judgement. i see women so caught up in how they want to see things that they refuse to allow others to have their own perspective. i see antisexualism. i mean, really? i thought we outgrew this phase. how about we focus on the real issues. equal wage, rape culture (as it effects women in and out of the adult industry!), reproductive rights? how about we just plain stop being vicious and abusive to other women just because we disagree with their actions? how about we stop telling women they don’t know their own minds and aren’t making their own choices? it’s never going to be okay with me that anyone, anywhere feels that they cannot talk about how they feel and why without having their own words used against them. and that’s what it has come to. when the words “because I can’t openly admit sometimes I DONT like my job, otherwise radfems JUMP on it & use it against me.” (@teacuptempest) are spoken something has gone very wrong. this, the death threats, etc are beyond not okay. this is dangerous, toxic behaviour. it needs to stop. sex workers are already dying at the hands of violent clients, employers & police. but this, to me, is even more insidious.  i honestly worry about this abuse-induced self-censorship will impact the mental health of those victimised to the point where they may take their own lives.

THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY.

Related articles

• Demonising sex workers makes their lives more dangerous
• The Similarities Between Anti-Sex Work Activists and Domestic Batterers
• The feminist and the sex worker: Lessons from the Indian experience

Street Sleeper 2 by David Shankbone (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Even before i spent a couple of years in various definitions of homeless about a decade ago, i knew it was a serious problem. But over the years since i’ve realised that the effects of homelessness can last many years longer than the homelessness itself. To begin with are the obvious situations like repeat homelessness, illness and disability caused by exposure, but for those of us who have fit into less obvious definitions of homelessness, specifically those who have not had a stable, safe home, the scars can be less obvious. They come from a fear of being back in the situation where we were, and can result in anxieties and phobias that may never go away. some of mine are:

• hypercontrolling of my home environment.
• fear of strangers in my home.
• mild agoraphobia due to believing something bad will happen to my home while i am away.
  

And i was only homeless over a period of a couple of years, those who have been long term homeless are likely to have much worse problems. What does all this mean, you might ask. Simply that homelessness is a serious, ongoing problem. One that needs to be addressed sooner, rather than later, that people need to understand that being homeless doesn’t make a person less, lazy, bad, dangerous. it makes them someone in need of compassion and rapid assistance. crisis housing can take up to a decade to access in some areas, in others it’s not available at all. What i want to know is why people aren’t angry enough to make this change. now.

Related articles

• Left To Die – The Government’s Policy On Homelessness
• Alderman Demands Salvation Army stop feeding homeless, agency says no
• Spending some time with the homeless (March 2, 2013 edition)
• Charlotte area teens camp out to learn about homelessness
• Eva’s Village provides case management to homeless and working poor who come to their soup kitchen.

English: A collection of pictograms. Three of them used by the United States National Park Service. A package containing those three and all NPS symbols is available at the Open Icon Library (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This post is my feelings on the matter, you are feel to disagree. You are not, however, free to attack me or others on this blog.

As a disabled woman, i have to say i hate this phrase and the accompanying attitude. What i find in general is that it comes up almost exclusively directed at people who’ve misspoken out of frustration with no malicious intent, and you know what that does? it alienates people who are in the end just human and misspoke, draws attention to whatever sexist/ageist/ableist/racist/whatever-ist comment they mistakenly made and through that is actually more likely to offend people.

This is what i suggest would be better than the phrase “check your privilege” or accusing someone of being sexist/ageist/ableist/racist/whatever-ist:

• gently point out how certain wording can come across, including an explanation as to why what they said can be offensive – aggression is usually met with aggression, try being gentle first.
• suggest other wording options.
• give them a chance to correct.
• encourage less offensive wording and watch your own words – we all slip up now and then.
• consider using non-offensive language an act of compassion towards those who are marginalised/judged using various language. the idea that offensive wording displays privilege seems to me to be an attack on the speaker. telling the speaker “you think you’re better than the rest of us”. again, likely to put them on the defensive.
• if after all of this, they still choose to frequently speak in ways that offend (not just the occasional slip-up!), it might be time to review your contact of them.

i’m not entirely sure that this post has a point beyond “don’t be so hard on people”. no matter what our background and challenges may be, we’re all just human and all make mistakes. i think perhaps remembering that and being a little more compassionate in general might help.

ATF inspector at a federally licensed gun dealer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Note: the ideas in this post aren’t necessarily solely mine. but they’re one’s i support/agree with and want to see implemented, not just in the US but everywhere.

1. Ban civilian access to assault weapons: They’re not needed for hunting or self defence.
2. Compulsory gun insurance: used to pay for enforcement/training and compensation to victims of gun crime.
3.  Strict rules on gun storage: and harsh punishments if they’re not adhered to. up to and including the confiscation of weapons and gun licences, as well as banning those responsible from owning a weapon in the future.
4. Compulsory background and mental health check before being given a gun license with a minimum age of 18: These licenses would also require taking a gun safety class and would have a time limit, renewal would require reassessment and retraining. (note: not thinking every year. possibly every 5 or 10 akin to a drivers license period. Provisional license for 14+ to be allowed to use a weapon owned by a parent or guardian  and under their supervision for hunting purposes.
5. Loss of license and requirement to surrender or sell weapons if convicted of a violent crime: This would also involve a suspension and temporary confiscation of any weapons if charged with a violent crime.
6. No private sales of weapons: All sales of weapons must be made to or from a registered dealer.
7. Limit clip size to 6: does this really need explaining??
8. I.D. Required to buy ammunition: Similar requirements to those in place to buy cold medicine containing pseudoephedrine - I.D. (gun license), national register of ammunition purchase and quantity. Limits on purchase quantities over a certain period.
9. Access to cheap or free gun safety training: This should be available to all people, if they’re eligible for a gun license or not.  These should be available to children 10 and up, but there should be NO ammunition (or blanks) in classes where there are unlicensed class members.

Well, that’s my take on it, i’m sure there are people who will disagree with some of it – and even people who will dismiss it all on the basis of the fact that i dislike guns. But this is what i’d like to see happen.

Further reading: (or what other people have been writing on this topic!)

Related articles

• A very civilized weapons law
• California to Ban all Semi-Automatic Guns, Confiscate Firearms and Limit Ammo Sales
• Guns in America
• Are Guns Analogous to Cars?
• Gun focus shifts from ban to checks and trafficking
• Personal Gun Control: Safety Tips for You and Your Family

Facebook logo Español: Logotipo de Facebook Français : Logo de Facebook Tiếng Việt: Logo Facebook (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Facebook, twitter, email, google+, skype, phones, snail mail, the list of ways we can keep in touch goes on and on these days. There’s one little problem, though. It seems to me that the more methods we have to contact each other, the less we do it. Look at your Facebook friends list, your email contacts, even the phone numbers you have. how many of these people have you actually contacted in the last month? What about the last 6 months? a year? more? you might be surprised and a little shocked when you think about it. i discovered recently that i hadn’t spoken to one of my FB friends in 6 years. They’ve been on my friends list all that time – but we’ve not spoken. And even when we do speak, how much of it actually matters? How many friends’ birthdays do you ignore? how many just get a generic “happy birthday” with no personal variation on Facebook? Do you ever wonder how many of your friends actually might notice when you don’t contact them? Again, something that might be a little scary to think about. A friend of mine fell ill a couple of years ago. He lived alone, but he doesn’t actually live that far from me. i’m ashamed to say that i didn’t actually notice when he stopped emailing me because it’s not actually an unusual thing. Except this time it was. He had had a stroke-like episode and was collapsed on the floor of his unit unconscious. Had a friend of his from overseas not worried and attempted to make contact through other means and when that failed called the police, my friend may well have died.

Recently i got a very confused call from my mother telling me about a very cryptic, and in my opinion, passive aggressive message my paternal grandmother had written to me in the christmas card sent to my mother. important to note here:

1. my parents have not been together since before i was born.
2. i am in my early 30′s.
3. i have not lived with my mother since i was 18.
4. my grandmother knows all this.
5. i haven’t heard directly from my grandmother in over a decade despite…
6. my mother has given her my address and phone number.

so the irrelevancy of what was said aside, how does any of this makes sense?

i’m sorry, this is yet another post where i’m not entirely sure what my point is, but i do feel like the questions i’ve asked are important. family and friends should matter and i feel more and more like they’re being pushed into the background and ignored.

i am going through something at the moment. Aside from fighting for the funding needed to keep the cleaning service i need to not lose my home, we’re also trying to get approval for funding for online counselling with an autism spectrum specialising counsellor in Melbourne. Because the appointments cannot be face to face, they’d cost around $200 a session. The reason for is is that i have suffered 20 years of abuse and misdiagnosis at the hands of mental health professionals. So when it comes to therapy etc, my trust levels are low. This particular counsellor, though, I have met at a conference and made a connection with. The trust is there.

So, this is what has triggered me to want to start this charity. What i’m wanting to do is provide funding for people on the spectrum to be able to access services that are not within the norm (such as my counselling) or for people who, for various reasons (complicated health confusing the criteria you need to me?) cannot access funding for things they need to live well/independently/safely. Thing is, i have no idea how broadly this is needed, or in fact if there is any need for it beyond myself, but it seems to me that there might be. What do you think? Is there a need? Do you know anyone who might know more about how to start a charity when you’re poor? Or anyone who might know if this should be a thing? Pease let me know!

today a man went into an elementary school in the US and opened fire. at the time of writing 28 people had died, 20 of those young children. today a man went into a primary school in china and stabbed 23 people, 22 of those were young children. these have both happened half the world away from me. but they hurt me deeply. i’ve been crying on and off since i heard about the shooting in the early hours of the morning (for me).

but today is also my boyfiend’s birthday. today i ran an errand with my mother. today there is classical music playing on the radio. because while many private little worlds have ended today, generally the world is going on. people are living their lives, many of them are even having good things happen to them. and while i know there are tragedies every day, when it’s on this scale, i seem to lose my ability to reconcile the loss with the fact that life, in general, is continuing. perhaps tomorrow i will be able to. but today it feels so out of kilter, and all i want to do is weep and find a way to comfort all those effected. be it directly or indirectly.

i’m sorry if this post doesn’t make a lot of sense. i guess, i just needed to say it somewhere…

This post is in honour of a dear friend who suffers from chronic pain and is dealing with worse than usual pain at the moment.

Sometimes it can feel like fighting a war against your own body when you have chronic illness, chronic pain or disability. We fight back with medical help, support from family and friends and by just plain trying to pace ourselves. For the most part this works reasonably well. But what happens when the body somehow gains “reinforcements”? If we develop other conditions, or have a massive flare up of the ones we have things go to hell. Often we can’t even think clearly enough or move around enough to know where to start in getting help. Some of this advice won’t be helpful if you’re in this situation now, but may for next time, hopefully some of my advice will be able to be of use more immediately.

• Plan Ahead: Make sure you have a plan in place. Arrange with your family/friends/support workers who to contact if you need help urgently. Discuss with them what you’d like them to do when you call for help. Write these steps down for yourself and for them. Keep it somewhere visible. Don’t rely on just your brain/memory when you’re at your sickest.
• Don’t Accept Second Best:  Find a doctor that you trust and who understand your health problems. If you can’t find one yourself, sometimes contacting local or online support groups can lead you in the right direction.
• Documents: If you have any conditions where you see a specialist but sometimes need emergency treatment that can’t wait for an appointment with them as for a letter that explains to a family doctor or hospital what they need to know about your health and what your specialist advises as far as treatment. These letters aren’t always respected, but sometimes they are. Also, if your specialist has a pager number, keep it with you, ask for your specialist to be paged.
• Breathe: Take a moment, try to centre yourself and keep calm. There is never a situation where distress and panic help us think. Deep breaths, count to 10 etc can make enough of a difference to clear your mind for long enough to work out your next step.
• Advice Lines: i don’t know what/where to find the numbers for most of these but here in AU we have services run by the health department where you can phone up and talk to a registered nurse or in some cases even a doctor. They wont be able to give you a definitive diagnosis over the phone, but they can advise on first aid and help you assess if you need to see a doctor.
• If All Else Fails: Call  your doctor’s office. Explain that you’re in need of medical help and what your level of mobility/access to transport is.  There can be options that you might not have thought of. Some states have transport services, some doctors still do home visits. But try not to get frustrated if these are not available for you. If they’re not, simply call an ambulance. You might not get the best care at an emergency room, but if you have exhausted all other options, it’s still worth a shot.
• Remember: You’re not alone, even when you’re at your worst and you feel isolated, your friends/family still care and love you. Your fellow sufferers will understand and generally try to help in any way they can, even if they’re on the other side of the planet.

i’m not entirely sure how much help with post will be by itself given that i’m really not able to research location specific options at the moment, perhaps you have other ideas? if so, please leave them in the comments (on the primary blog here at the cat’s reflection, please it’ll help people more if they don’t have.)

A friend of mine, Kimbera Sherva, shared the following from the Facebook page “Have a Gay Day”

Last week, as part of a cultural discovery project for one of my classes, I spent three days wearing ‘girls’ clothes while going about my day. I wanted to explore the general reaction and preconceptions that people in my city have to clothi

ng, especially in regards to gender. To me, the idea that a piece of fabric or accessory can be so intertwined with who are in our conscious is perplexing. I didn’t want to show off, or offend anyone by my act of curiosity. Rather, I wanted to act as a meticulous observer of the times, to see if the community around me was really as open-minded as I wanted to believe that it was. After all, if such things really only had a place in the realm of high-fashion and in Scottish tradition, then something bigger must be at work.On the first day, I wore a long-sleeve pink top cropped at the collarbone. I received many compliments, a few glares and even a free Venti gingerbread latte. On the second, I rocked a pink blouse with a high-waisted belt. Again, the same amount of well-wishes, questions and passing eye-rolls. These things were to be expected, as it isn’t necessarily the norm to see someone like me wearing things like these. I felt collected and confident in these modest outfits, seemingly convinced that the world around me could care less about the clothes someone wore. Most affirming was the response to my nails, which were almost always met with a cheerful grin, a high-five and a few words of encouragement.What happened on the third day changed my perspective on humanity forever. I dressed myself as I normally would; band t-shirt, cardigan, plain Vans, etc. However, instead of black jeans, I complimented the outfit with a plain black skirt and matching set of tights. For me, this was a huge step in self-image. Years ago, I was barely confident enough to leave the house for school. These days, the opposite couldn’t be more true. As I set off about my day, the absolute worst in people came out in a full-force flurry of expletives and discomfort. I was ridiculed in whispers. I was mocked in glances. I was obnoxiously and filthily cat-called by a construction crew who, from behind, couldn’t tell that I was a man. Stopping by a bathroom before a lecture, a frat-bro went out of his way to shove me into the adjacent wall after eyeing me up and down on his way out. Expletives and names that might induce me to vomit were I to repeat them, were casually thrown in my direction with almost zero passing thought. By day’s end, I feared a full-on breakdown, unable to stand up for myself or what I believed in to maintain the integrity of the observer’s perspective. In a way, I had no right to feel that way, mostly because of the realization that this is the way that many have to live their lives. I fought back tears as every stare and ill-formed word engrained themselves in my sub-conscious.Though I may not know you, I think that it’s important that we all come to understand why these things happen. In my book, cat-calling, shaming and harassment are among the worst actions we can engage in. As a heterosexual male, I will never truly know the fear that women may experience while walking home from work, going see a friend for lunch, or being sized-up in public based on their clothing. I will never truly know the gut-rot that a transgender individual may feel while being eyed up and down at the store or in class, strangers seeming to think as if the clothing they see before them begs a legal invitation of ridicule. I will never truly know the plights of these people, but as an ally and a human being invested in true equality, it is now my obligation to stand up for them as if I did.

What scares me the most is not the glances, mixed emotions, or 10-page paper that will inevitably come as a by-product of this project. No, what scares me is that this is the world we live in. We exist in a place where individuals living their truths can be subjected, directly or otherwise, to fear simply for living those truths. We live in an age where feeling ‘normal’ in your own clothing can create unfathomable contention with strangers, despite them having zero investment in their lives. We live in a world where the material, the fabric, the pieces that adorn you are somehow allowed to say more about who you are than the convictions in your heart and the sincerity in your deeds.

I don’t know about you, but I refuse that world. I refuse to let these things overcome the passion and genuine honesty that I’ve been so fortunate to bear witness to in my time. I refuse to let backwards, unprogressive mindsets stifle the glow and drive of those who are undeservingly robbed of it. Don’t say it can’t happen to you. If it happened to me, under the most average of circumstances on the streets in a progressive-leaning city, it could happen to anyone, and that is something I truly do not understand.

After all, it’s just a skirt.

What is it about a piece of inanimate, plain fabric that scares you so much?

-Tommy

sorry, but people wonder where bullying etc comes from, take a look….ya bring it on yourself. there is a time and place to be real, you are who you are, if ya have a penis you are simply male gendered, vagina female….it is not rocket science people. get a grip already!!! dont force your twisted shit on the rest of us, gross!

I simply do not know how to respond to this as I have no wish to let the Drama Llamas out of the gate. I will say, however, that if you truly believe that transgender/adrogynous people are ‘gross’ and ‘twisted’, then you might as well count me in.
I believe that sexual identity and sexuality is fluid. A person needn’t have to be born male to remain male or female and remain female. Perhaps they’d prefer to identify as ‘neither’ and go on with their lives.
I have many transgender friends, all who have been through harassment, to the point of fear for their lives. I am lucky in that none of them have been murdered by people who are threatened by their existence.
To blame bullying/abuse/murder on them is akin to blaming a rape survivor for what happened to that person. There is no difference–people are people and deserve love and respect.
I will not debate this further. You have your beliefs and I have mine and never the twain shall meet. I kindly ask that you do not continue to say such hurtful things on my Wall. It hurts me, it hurts my transgender family and friends, and I will not allow it.
Thank you

(author’s note: when i created this blog i never intended to review or advertise on this blog, and i still will not be doing much of it, but this book deserves talking about, so i will.)

As some of you know i am autistic. i like reading about and learning about the autism spectrum – all of it, not just where i’m assessed as being. i heard about this book last night via my facebook feed, in a post from ThAutcast (logcal place, it’s run by the author). i decided to check it out the kindle edition is only $2.99.

It’s a short book, largely cartoons with little elaborations, but it’s one of the most insightful and well expressed books i’ve read when it comes to a “inside looking out” view of autism. it says all the things i’ve been trying to express about myself for years, even well before my (late) diagnosis and was quite a cathartic read. it shares views from 3 different “points” on the spectrum, talks about some of the parts of being autistic that can make us proud to be autistic as well as some of those parts that frustrate, embarrass or challenge us a little too much. it’s balanced, articulate and beautiful.

If you’d like to check if out:

Kindle Edition: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Being-Autistic-Self-ebook/dp/B00AC6VEHA/

Paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Being-Own-Autistic-Self/dp/0615731821/

i’ve only given US links here, but i do know that Amazon UK sells it.